


Girls don't want boys, they want a Valyrian steel sword, blue armour and a pretty horse

by tall_wolf_of_tarth



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Crack, F/M, engagement swords
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-16
Updated: 2020-10-26
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:49:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,950
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26497438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tall_wolf_of_tarth/pseuds/tall_wolf_of_tarth
Summary: If you want to marry a girl from Tarth, you better gift her a nice sword. Don't bother to come with flowers. Especially with a stupid rose.
Relationships: Jaime Lannister/Brienne of Tarth
Comments: 93
Kudos: 287





	1. Brienne

_Edric Caron_

When Brienne gets engaged to Edric Caron, she is happier about the sword the boy gives her than about the boy himself. Not that there is anything wrong with Edric Caron. As far as Brienne can see he is a sweet and cheerful boy with kind eyes and shy demeanour. Brienne knows that she will need to marry one day, but that day is so far away in the future that it's really not even worth to think about. The sword, on the other hand, is right here in front of Brienne, offered to her by Edric. And it's a pretty awesome sword. Edric himself looks to be just as excited about the sword as Brienne does. Everyone else in the courtyard seems to love the sword as well, and the crowd around them murmurs excitedly.

It's a longsword, too big to Brienne to use now, but she will grow into it, she knows. The pommel is silver and decorated with gilded sun and the moon and precious stones as the stars.

“I asked the blacksmith to put a nightingale here,” Edric points out the bird from Caron sigil. Brienne likes the bird, it's so pretty. She could look at the sword all day, but Brienne's mother coughs nearby and Brienne remembers what she is supposed to do.

“Thank you for the sword, Edric Caron,” she says as clearly and loudly as she can, takes the sword from his hands and leans over the sword to kiss Edric on his cheek. Everyone around them cheers, clap and someone starts to play the pipes. Brienne and Edric are given as much as jam tarts as they can eat and no one scolds them when they later steal away to the practice yard and pummel each other with the practice swords. Brienne is sorry to see the boy and his family leave Tarth, but she gets to keep her engagement sword at her room to look at it as much as she likes.

A year later, when a messenger comes from the mainland with the news that Edric Caron has fallen ill with a sweating sickness and has perished from it, Brienne cries herself to sleep and feels awfully guilty about the fact that she is just as sad about losing her betrothed as she is about losing her pretty sword. She wraps the sword to black velvet and gives it to the messenger with a sigh.

“We will find you another betrothed,” Brienne's mother sighs and rubs her swollen belly.

_Ronnet Connington_

When Brienne's second betrothed is expected to come to Tarth, the twins come over to Brienne's room to watch the maid plait ribbons to Brienne's hair.

“You are more excited about the sword than you are about him,” Alysanne snorts when Brienne once again starts to talk about what kind of a sword she will get from Ronnet Connington.

It's not far from the truth. Brienne is not sure if she wants a husband but she knows that she wants a good sword. She is good with swords. She runs to the courtyard to stand with her parents to welcome the guests.

Ronnet Connington is a redheaded youth, wiry and pimpled but the worst part of him is that there is no sword in his hand, only a single flower. Brienne looks at his envoy to see if anyone else is carrying a sword-shaped package, but there appears to be none. “Where is the sword?” someone from the upper ramparts whispers where the crowd of smallfolk has gathered to watch the ceremony. Brienne's stomach lurches with disappointment. She is staring at the flower at her betrothed's hand and doesn't even notice that the boy is staring Brienne with an equally distasteful look.

“What is that?” she asks and points the flower. Maybe a sword appears from somewhere, she silently prays.

“It's a rose,” the boy spits and opens his mouth again to say something but Brienne cuts him out.

“ _A rose?_ ” The crowd around them is starting to murmur. “Where's the sword?” asks Arianne somewhere behind Brienne. She gets shushed immediately. Brienne's mother has gone very red on her cheeks and Brienne's father is holding a hand in front of his face. Connington's companions start to shift around nervously. “Is there a dagger at least?” someone asks from the crowd.

Ron Connington seems to be just as angry as Brienne and decides to up the game by throwing the rose to the ground between them.

“I brought you a rose but that's all you are going to get from me,” he announces like he has done something very clever indeed. Rage boils inside Brienne. She is Evenstar's daughter. Did he bring her a rose? A _rose_?

“Why would I want _that_? I expected a sword, but you brought me _weeds._ ”

Tarth people in the courtyard seem to be just as angry as Brienne. “What a fucking ponce,” someone murmurs nearby and Brienne is fairly sure it was her uncle Endrew.

“Did you just pluck it out of the hedgerow outside the castle?” Brienne asks the stupid ginger idiot. She just can't get over the damn rose.

“What? No, I brought it from the mainland. From our hothouse,” the idiot tries to brag.

The rose looks already wilted. It's completely useless. You couldn't even use it as a toothpick. This will not do.

“I am Evenstar's daughter,” Brienne lifts her nose up and uses her most haughty voice, the one she has learnt from her mother, and the smallfolk cheer around her. “Even the poorest pig herder gives at least a knife to his intended. I will not marry anyone unless they bring me a sword.” Brienne looks at her mother, who is wearing her own sword on her hip, pommel in her hand. Her mother nods at her.

Ron Connington opens his mouth again but whatever he plans to say gets interrupted by someone throwing a rotten cabbage at his head. “Piss back to the mainland ya ginger cunt!” a voice from the crowd is heard and the Connington and his company do that with a great hurry.

_Humfrey Wagstaff_

Well, at least he brought a sword, Brienne thinks when looking at the elderly man wobbling in front of her, offering her a sword. But the sword is probably even older than the man himself.

It's _rusty_.

The sword is rusty and bent and its edges are chipped. If there ever were any gilding or precious stones at the pommel, they are long gone. Humfrey Wagstaff has taken the oldest sword he has found in the armoury to bring to Brienne as an engagement gift.

Brienne looks at her father, who at least has the decency to look embarrassed. She clutches the sword on her hip, the one that her mother left her on her deathbed.

“This will not do,” she announces. “One day, I will leave a sword to my oldest daughter, and she will deserve a better sword than that.”

“Do you even know how to wield a weapon, girl?” the old man croaks.

 _Oh_ , But Brienne knows how to wield a sword, and carry a shield and use a morning star.

So Brienne shows him.

Humfrey Wagstaff limps back to his ship, with three broken bones and his rusty sword.

***

There will be no more betrothals for Brienne, her father agrees now. Instead, Brienne goes to the mainland to seek her fortune.

One day, a man will offer Brienne a beautiful sword, Brienne knows. It will have good balance and a sharp edge that doesn't blunt. There will be gilding and precious stones at the hilt and it will be the second greatest sword ever seen at Tarth, almost as good as Just Maid. Only a man bearing such a sword will be worth of the hand of Evenstar's firstborn daughter.

Brienne doesn't know his name yet, but she is sure he will find her one day.


	2. Jaime

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brienne finally gets a pretty sword

_Jaime Lannister_

Someone has put a dress at the wench again. This one at least suits her and the colour brings out her eyes. Too bad about the stubborn expression on the wenches face.

“Are you sure, my lady?”

“I am. I will be Lady Sansa's champion.”

Jaime sighs. She is the most obstinate, irritating woman Jaime has ever met.

“And there is nothing I can do to dissuade you from it?”

“No. Lady Sansa did not kill Prince Joffrey. The boy choked on his pie, everyone saw it.”

“Fine.” Jaime sighs. The Mountain is unstoppable but if anyone can beat him it's this stubborn ugly wench.

“Lady Brienne,” he starts. “I have something for you.” Jaime reaches under his chair and pulls out a parcel.

“Open it.” He puts the bundle to the table. The girl approaches it hesitantly. She reaches out her big, freckled hand and folds back the cloth to reveal a sword.

Gold and red sparkle in the sunlight. Tobho Mott has done a beautiful job, thinks Jaime.

She plucks the sword from the table, unsheathes it and they both stare at red and grey rippling across the steel. Brienne's eyes are wide with wonder. There is a curious expression on the girls face, something hopeful and wistful before she schools her face back to a polite smile.

“It's a beautiful sword, Ser Jaime,” she sighs, sheaths the sword and puts it back on the table.

Jaime stands up from his chair and goes to the other side of the table. He takes the sword from the table and offers it to Brienne.

“I'm giving it to you.”

Brienne's carefully schooled expression drops and is replaced by the fiercest blush he has seen on it. She stares at the sword like the lion on the pommel is going to bite her.

“Close your mouth, girl,” Jaime scoffs. “It's to replace your mother's sword.” Brienne had lost her sword defending Jaime against the Mummers. “I want you to use it to fight for Lady Sansa.”

She looks up from the sword, her blue eyes wide.

“You want to give this sword to me?”

“Yes, if you have it.”

She wraps her fingers around the sword, and they both hold on to it for a moment. Her fingers had been gentle when she held him at Harrenhal, Jaime remembers suddenly.

“Yes,” Brienne finally whispers breathlessly. “I accept it.” Then she leans forward and presses her lips to Jaime's. “Thank you, Jaime.”

The kiss takes him by surprise. Her lips are soft, and she smells something fresh and sweet.

“Wench,” Jaime feels his face going warm when she pulls back, clutching the sword in her hands. “I haven't even given your armour or your horse yet. Will I get such sweet reward for those as well?”

He is even more surprised when he does.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When you accidentally get engaged to a girl from Tarth and don't even know about it.


	3. The fight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brienne fights as Lady Sansa's champion.

The fight

Jaime watches the fight from the dais where the court sits. The two fighters are circling each other at the arena while the smallfolk watches from the sides. The Mountain is huge and terrifying but the wench is not small either. The fight has gone on for over an hour without any significant damage to either party. Clegane attacks, but the wench dances around him in a grace Jaime didn't know she had. Jaime clutches his sword hilt in his left hand, praying silently for this wench. _Father, give her strength_ , he whispers silently when once more the Mountain strikes and Brienne retreats.

Jaime stands behind king Robert and his court. Cersei, with her cruel eyes half hooded, sits further away from Jaime. It was her plan to let the Mountain fight for the Crown, but she sits languidly, paying more attention to Lancel pouring her wine than to the fight.

King Robert pays no attention to the queen or the arena, and chats merrily with his brother Renly. Lady Margaery Tyrell, recently married to Renly, seems to be the only one looking at the fight, clutching her handkerchief. Scattered around the Royal platform are various lesser members of the court, enjoying the wine and delicate food.

And across the field, Sansa Stark sits between the guards, pale as a ghost. She is charged with killing her betrothed, Prince Joffrey, and the outcome of the fight will decide her fate. _Poor child_ , thinks Jaime. She doesn't look like she could kill a mouse.

“Who fights for the child, Renly?” asks the king, but Jaime hears no answer. His eyes are on the arena, where his wench dances with the monster. Gregor Clegane charges -- Jaime prays again -- and then Brienne thrusts and retreats.

“A hit,” someone yells nearby. “He took a hit!”

The crowd comes alive with excitement. King and his brother stretch out their necks to take a better look. The Mountain, who took a hit to his neck, runs towards Brienne.

“Tarth! Evenfall!” shouts Brienne, and for a moment Jaime is back on the Riverlands, watching the girl charging towards the archers in the woods.

“Did he call Tarth? Is that Evenstar's boy?” the king asks at the background but Jaime doesn't hear anything else, because suddenly Brienne meets the Mountain again. Valyrian steel flashes and cuts through the steel before Brienne retreats again. The Mountain stops -- “A hand, he cut off his sword hand!!” yells someone -- and Jaime feels the blood rushing through his veins.

“It can't be!” screeches some woman nearby -- Cersei, Jaime registers -- “The prophecy said...” She gets cut off by Mountain growling at the field.

“I can't be killed by a mortal man!” He shouts and lurches towards Brienne, trashing blindly with his shield, but Brienne attacks again at his wounded side. Red and grey flashes again.

Gregor Clegane's head falls away from his shoulders.

 _She won_ , Jaime realises, but then the noise from the crowd and from the court at the dais drowns away everything. The Mountain's dead body falls to the ground in a great cloud of dust. The relief floods over Jaime. The girl survives, she killed Gregor Clegane. She lives.

“I am no man!” roars Brienne and takes off her helmet.

She stands there in the middle of the arena, sword in her hand like a fucking warrior she is; strong, brave and victorious and Jaime has never seen anyone so beautiful before.

“It's not fair!” screeches Cersei nearby. “Robert, do something!”

Jaime barely registers the High Sparrow walking to the arena and proclaiming Brienne as the winner.

“The gods have spoken, Cersei,” Robert waves off the queen who is still rambling. “Poor boy choked on his pie, we all saw it.”

Cersei, not happy with the result, leaves the arena in the great flood of black silks and clouds of angry perfume. King, who doesn't seem to be bothered about his queen's tantrum, turns to Renly.

“Who is the girl?”

“Brienne of Tarth,” Renly explains. “I've met her before, she is Evenstar's eldest daughter.”

“A Stormlander,” the king seems to be pleased. “Excellent. Have her brought over here.”

“What will be done to the Stark child?” the High Sparrow asks from the King.

“Release Lady Sansa to her family,” the king waves the priest away.

When Brienne comes over to the dais, she is still battle-weary. Her squire, the one that Jaime appointed to her, has wiped off most of the blood on her armour and her sword and trails after her like a duckling. The boy hadn't uttered a word when he and Jaime dressed Brienne to her armour and only squeaked when Jaime had kissed the wench before putting her helmet on her. Podrick, the squire, is now clutching said helmet in his arms like Tommen clutches his kittens. Brienne quickly looks at Jaime before turning her blue eyes down and kneeling before the king.

“Brienne of Tarth,” the king booms. “You have fought well. The gods have proven Lady Sansa an innocent.”

When Brienne rises to her feet, pleasantries are swapped, like they are in a garden and not in a bloody arena while Mountain's lifeless body is carted away in the background. The king seems to be excessively happy that it was a Stormlander and a girl who has defeated Mountain.

Renly stares at Brienne with an equally pleased expression.

“Lady Brienne,” he greets the wench. “You have a new sword.”

Poor wench goes red on her face and Jaime is annoyed with Renly. Who is he to make his wench blush?

“I have,” Brienne nods. The king leans forward too to get a look at the sword.

“Valyrian steel. Did you pay a fair price for it, girl?” The king laughs like he made a good jape.

“No, my lord.” Brienne looks - embarrassed. Why is she embarrassed? Before Jaime can think, Tyrion appears next to him.

“Isn't that the sword Father gave you?” his brother asks. “Jaime, you do know what happens when...” Jaime shushes him.

“Then, where did you get the sword, girl?” Robert is still talking about the sword. Lady Margaery is watching the exchange with keen interest.

“It was given to me, my lord. And the armour too.” Brienne steals a glance at Jaime.

“Well, that is excellent news.” The king and his brother look at each other. “Go on then girl, don't be shy. Tell us whose gifts you carry,” the king still hawks. “You know you'll have to tell us eventually.”

Brienne opens her mouth, closes it, and goes even redder. 

“I gave her the sword,” Jaime steps up to stop the discussion.

“You?” Renly's mouth hangs open.

“You?” asks the king.

“Oh, this is good,” laughs Tyrion, “well done, brother.”

“Renly dear,” Margaery Tyrell asks something that Jaime himself would like to know. “Why is the sword important?”

“Because, my dearest, at Tarth when you get betrothed to a girl, you don't give them precious jewels or flowers. You give them a sword.”

_Shit._

Jaime stares at Brienne. Brienne is staring the swordhilt at her hands. 

“Ah!” the king rubs his hands together. “What an excellent engagement sword. Valyrian steel.”

“Excellent armour, too” adds Renly.

“There's a pretty horse too,” squeaks little Podrick Payne, still clutching Brienne's engagement helmet.

“A fair gift to Evenstar's firstborn daughter and heir.” Robert is beaming like he has won a prize. “If Lord Tywin was alive, he would be overjoyed, I'm sure, Ser Jaime. We'll have to release you from the Kingsguard, of course. What a pity.” Robert has always wanted to get rid of him. “I will write to Lord Evenstar right away, Lady Brienne.”

Brienne is still very red. She looks slightly terrified, but also pleased.

“Strangest thing just happened, brother.” Tyrion looks just as happy as the king. “I never thought that I would regret that our dear father is dead and is not here to witness this. And to think that our sweet sister missed this too.”

 _Shit_ , thinks Jaime again.


	4. Brienne

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They finally talk! Or do they?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for commenting and supporting this fic. I've read every comment, and whenever I'm down I reread the comments and feel instantly better. There is so much love in JB fandom.  
> I love everyone in this bar.

Brienne's heart is heavy when he knocks on Ser Jaime's door. She steps to his solar with dread in her belly, but unexpectedly, Ser Jaime doesn't look angry or displeased when he spots her.

“My Lady,” he smiles and stands up from his writing desk. There are ink stains on his fingers, on the cover of his stump and all over his desk. He looks like a child practising to write with the quill first time, their hands and mouths covered with ink stains. There are no stains on Jaime's lips when he presses them to Brienne's cheek. “Do you like my new rooms?”

The room he was given after leaving the White Tower is handsomely furnished, full of light and pretty furniture. King Robert, who in the last days has required Brienne's presence extensively, seems only to have good words for Ser Jaime, much to everyone's amazement. Brienne is not aware what the Queen thinks about the betrothal of her brother, as according to the gossip she hasn't left her quarters ever since Lady Sansa's trial.

But there is other gossip that has been brought to Brienne's ears, and she must address it now.

“Ser Jaime,” she starts and feels her horrid blush staining her cheeks again. She draws breath, and says little too loudly, “I have come to return your sword.” She starts undoing the belt buckle.

 _Really?_ Jaime's face seems to say when she dares to look at him. He lifts his eyes from the sword to her face like to say, _we are doing this now?_ Brienne continues fumbling with the sword belt. Why doesn't the wretched thing open?

“You gave me the sword to fight for Lady Sansa. I have fulfilled that quest.”

“Lady Brienne,” Jaime's voice is tight but she interrupts him. She must say it all before her courage leaves her.

“You didn't know about our island traditions.”

She manages to unbuckle the belt and offers the sword to him.

He doesn't take it.

“And who said that I didn't?” he asks instead.

“There's gossip in the court.” A couple of Queen's handmaidens had sought out Brienne, and one of them had accidentally said... Well, best not to think what Brienne had heard from them.

“Please,” she says quietly and offers the sword again.

Ser Jaime steps closer to her. So close that there is hardly any space between their bodies. Only the sword parts them.

“And what do they know about my heart?” he says to her, his voice low and rumbling.

“Your heart?” Brienne fumbles backwards, but her thighs hit something behind her. Jaime follows her. “It's not too late to cancel the engagement. I'll tell the king I've changed my mind.” Jaime looks upset now.

“Lady Brienne,” Jaime puts his hand to her waist, and Brienne feels her knees trembling. “If you give back my gifts, I need to return yours as well.”

“My gifts?”

“You kissed me. Before you can return your sword, let me return those kisses you gave me.”

And then she is in his arms and his lips are on hers. Nothing in the world is sweeter than Jaime's kiss. Brienne feels her resolve weaken, her body slowly moulding against his. He takes the sword from her hand and puts it to the table so he can pull her closer and continues kissing her.

“Jaime,” Brienne sighs when he pulls back. “It doesn't work like that.” She can't help herself from touching the little gold buckle on his gambeson.

“Oh, but it does,” Jaime laughs and kisses her again. Things happen during that kiss, and Brienne is barely aware of what they are.

By the time Jaime pulls back again they are sitting on a chair, or rather Jaime is sitting on a chair and Brienne is sitting in his lap sideways. _Perhaps I should leave_ , she thinks fleetingly but that sounds very stupid so she doesn't.

“One more,” Jaime purrs at her neck, “for the kiss you gave me at the stables.” That was a sweet kiss, Brienne remembers.

The kiss he gives back is even sweeter.

“Jaime,” Brienne sighs. He has arranged them very prettily, her arms around his neck and his wrapped around her middle. Brienne's mind is foggy with pleasure and happiness. All thoughts about swords and armours and pretty horses have fled her head, and only Jaime and Jaime's lips remain.

“You kissed me when you dressed me to my armour,” she whispers and Jaime's eyes laugh.

“I stole that kiss,” he shakes his head. “You can't have that one back.”

Is it stealing if it's given freely, Brienne wonders. Before she knows, he has stolen another one.

Little later Jaime takes the sword from the table and puts it to her hands.

“It's yours, Brienne. It will always be yours.”

He means his heart, she knows then. A heart is even better than a pretty sword, Brienne thinks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And then they went to Tarth and lived happily ever after with their dozen kids and three goats. 
> 
> True story, long time ago when I was a little first-grader babee learning to write, our teacher made us practice writing with fountain pens. Apparently, that's the only way to learn cursive and get beautiful handwriting. First-grade students in our school were easily recognisable with their ink-stained hands, clothes and faces. We were not allowed to use ballpoint pens in the first three grades. I still write in cursive but I use ballpoint pens and my handwriting is abominable. 
> 
> So, headcanons that didn’t fit into this fic  
> Pretty much the same things happened to Jaime and Brienne that happened in the books except with some notable exceptions.  
> Galladon is at Citadel studying to be a maester. That’s why Brienne is the heir.  
> Everyone who I like is alive in this fic (some people who I don’t like are alive for plot reasons). Red Wedding didn’t happen. Tywin Lannister died in a very painful death in the outhouse. Somewhere in the background Oberon Martell was seen laughing. Absolutely no one misses Tywin, except maybe Cersei. Oh, and Oberon totally poisoned Joff as well. Soon after this fic Jaime and Brienne will go to Tarth to enjoy their HEA and in jealous rage Cersei poisons Robert, but mixes up the wineskins and accidentally poisons herself too.  
> Tarth people are very happy with the engagement sword, the armour and the horse. Jaime doesn’t get pelted with rotten veg, unlike some.


End file.
